Lisa's Tale

Lisa was one of three children. She was the middle child, and in many ways she filled the middle child stereotype of being “lost” between her older and younger siblings. She never made waves, and felt like she lived in the shadow of her older sister Lauren. Lisa was the "easy" child for her parents, and never made demands. She also seemed to be the one who got all of the physical problems. From extreme food allergies, stomach problems, and tubes in the ears, Lisa seemed to get it all. Despite all her ailments she never complained, and she was so accustomed to being sick that many times no one noticed until she was very ill. Strep throat turned to scarletina and ear infections became ruptured ear drums. There were times when Lisa felt invisible.

Lisa was diagnosed with a rare illness in her early thirties. Although she was gorgeous, and still appeared healthy, the symptoms of the illness were overwhelming. She went from being a straight “A” student and an adventure loving girl to an adult who could barely function. She had numerous debilitating symptoms that made it very difficult to function. There was no cure for her disorder, and there was no set treatment protocol. The numerous drugs options left much to guesswork and chance to find the right combination. Even when a best treatment was found, it only provided a degree of relief. She could no longer work, and she lost the quality of life she so wanted to enjoy.

Despite the physical effects of her illness, the hardest part of Lisa's life was the judgment, minimizing, and avoidance that she faced from the people she loved. She had friends who walked away without any explanation, and others who told her things like if she would “just exercise” she would feel better. Out of everyone, the one response to her disease that hurt the most was her older sister's. Lisa craved her sister's approval but never felt that she earned it. She did not recognize Lauren's jealousy because of the amount of attention Lisa got growing up. Lauren was always mean and critical of Lisa. She continually pushed Lisa to "snap out if it." She went to the rest of the family and complained about Lisa taking advantage of the system, and her need to "get attention" and "avoid working." This caused so much stress that it not only affected Lisa emotionally, but physically as well.

Lisa's best friends became people online who had the same illness. She felt profound loss not only from a life impacted by illness, but from the people in it. If she could have made herself well, or even well enough to function more, she would have in a heartbeat. Lisa didn't imagine or exaggerate what she was going through. Very few people believed her. So here was Lisa, the invisible sister with an invisible illness who felt like she didn't matter. She didn't want answers from anyone: she had her support group for that. She wasn't looking for special treatment, but she would have given anything to be treated like everyone else. She just needed acceptance, even if people didn't understand.

Lisa's story is a familiar one. There are many people living with "invisible" illnesses, who on the outside don't appear to be sick, who don't act sick, and don't want to be treated as a sick person. They want as normal a life as possible. Finding a normal in this world living under such circumstances is hard at best. So many people unjustly judge others based on their own limited knowledge and experience. We cannot know what someone is going through if we have not walked in their shoes. God tells us in the Bible that to turn away anyone is like turning away Jesus.

None of us should judge a book by it's cover. If Jesus lived here today how would we see Him? I believe that most people would see Him as a crazy, homeless beggar. Just think about a man like this being the savior of mankind! Sick people, no matter what kind of illness they have, still have a lot to give. In some ways, they have more to give. When going through a chronic illness most people develop a very special kind of compassion and wisdom. The Christians I know who have a chronic illness also have a very deep, mature relationship with God. Each one is like a lost lamb, the one that our Shepherd leaves the flock to bring home.

Bear this in mind the next time you encounter someone whose illness you cannot see or don't understand. For those who have an invisible illness, please know how important you are! You are very special to Jesus, and you are very special period. It sometimes takes other special people to recognize this. Don't worry about the people who don't understand. Remember that there are others who do understand and some that are learning acceptance even without a full understanding. You may have less friends, but the meaning of your relationships can be much deeper. And I pray for you all!

Defining Community

For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
~Matthew 18:20
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
~Galatians 6:2
Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.
~1 Corinthians 12:12

This is my first "assigned " blog topic in a long time! In preparation for a new online Bible Study from Proverbs 31 ministries based on the book "Limitless Life," we are asked to write about what community means to us. This is a good subject, and one I have not broached often.

When I think of the word community, I think of a neighborhood or a commune. I have a friend who lives in a Christian commune in a nearby town, and the bond that makes them a family is their Christianity. The bond that makes a neighborhood a community, is that everyone lives in the same place. So to answer that question in a simplified manner, I would say that community is a group of people that come together because they share a common bond.

As someone who has chronic, debilitating illness, and as a family member to someone who also does, I think community is essential. Whether it be in person or online, the need for a support system becomes more pronounced. God wants us to have relationship, we are made for it. He wants us to have fellowship with other believers, and He also wants us to spend time with non-believers as well.

God has been teaching me so much through the struggles of being sick and trying to find a "new" normal. Never before did I realize the importance of depending on Him, not just in the hard times, but all the time. Part of what he provides to me, is the people He puts in my path. Sometimes He teaches me through these people. Other times, they are here to help me in a more direct way, and it is as if He is speaking through those people to me. Sometimes it is so I will reach out of my own world and help them. Whatever the purpose, I believe that God's church exists far beyond the walls of a physical church.

So for me, as a Christian, community is my church. My husband and I have a Christian support group that meets twice a month for people with a mental illness and their families. Sometimes we have had 15-20 people, other times we have two people. It doesn't matter who comes, because God is present. We make God part of the journey and He speaks to us, through the Word, Sometimes He speaks to us through a voice; some of those times that voice is the weakest and in the most pain, but we are reaching, learning and growing. With God in the middle, we are growing together. And although many of us are so different, there is such a sense of trust in our group, and a respect for each other's differences. God may have brought us together through a sharing of illness, but the bonding is about our shared Christian walk.

Everyone has a different role; not assigned roles. I believe that when God brings us together, he provides people who all serve a different purpose, much like the parts of a body. No one needs ten arms, but certainly we need enough of the different parts in order to be able to function well. There are people who serve as the "core" group, who have a constant presence, and others will come and go. Whether the community is online or face-to- face, I see this happen. As time goes on, there always seems to be a divine timing to it.

My communities that I have been and am a part of have been a true blessing to me. I pray that if you have not connected with others and become part of a community, that you will find one. I hope that your eyes will be open to what God has just for you!

Sharing:
What does your community mean to you?
How does it help you cope with life?
What means the most to you in your community?
How do you think you have grown through community?

For The Love Of A Cat

                                               

 R.I.P. Tabby- 3/94-1/14

I just lost my almost 19 year old tortoiseshell cat Tabby yesterday morning. She had a long life, she went pretty fast and she had no pain. I am devastated. She was not my only pet, I also have three dogs; but she was unique.

My late, ex-husband found her in a paint shed at work when she was around 2 weeks old. Her mother had left her to die. She was so little she fit in the palm of my hand. She was so weak she squeeked rather than meowed. I started giving her milk in an eyedropper and the first few days I was lucky she took about that amount in a day. We didn't think she would make it. We went out and got kitten formula and started feeding her in a doll bottle when she finally did  perk up. Not only did she make it, she lived longer than any pet I have had. She grew up with cats and dogs, so she begged like a dog when she wanted something, and had no fear. With her small bone structure, she weighed 8 lbs at her heaviest, yet would walk up to my dogs (even my lab) and punch them in the nose. She ruled! When she wanted something, the scared dogs backed off. They all had an understanding though, and were like a little family. Later when she got older and I had her front claws removed, it didn't take long for the dogs to figure out that she no longer had any way to hurt them. She became as affectionate as any dog you would ever find. I talk about her and them like they are my children, and in many ways, it's like they are. You will never find the kind of loyalty and unconditional love that you find in a cat or dog.


I miss her and I miss the routine of her. I keep thinking she will be there watching me or I need to check on her. My children were little when I got her. She had kittens in the middle of my bathroom in front of all of us when she was young. She cuddled up with the labs I have had. She saw me through a divorce, my children leaving home, many moves, and even Hurricane Katrina. This cat lived in 4 different states, and when I look at it now, I think she was one of the few consistent things in my life.

This loss is also symbolic of change for me. I see everyone getting older, I see me getting older. I see my health declining, I see my children who have their own lives and no longer need me. These are all things that naturally occur in life, but there is such a sense of loss with it.

I know new things will come along and I will find a new "normal." I actually have it all worked out in my head, but sometimes the longest distance is between your head and your heart. Letting go of the former things is a very hard thing to do. Having been such a physical person, there are parts of me that have to change. It's not a giving up of any kind, but being realistic. I won't be hiking up mountains again, or power walking through nature. The list goes on. So here I am in this place between the old and the new. My cat is running free somewhere over the rainbow bridge. Someday I will be running free too, without the limitations I have now. I look forward to that. So I look to God and I pray, that tomorrow I'll see the sun. I know in my heart, that rainbows can only be seen after the rain. I feel lost in this place, but I know that God is here right next to me. That keeps me going, as this loss is making me face my other losses that I haven't fully grieved yet. I have a hard time letting myself do that, but I so look forward to reaching the other side, and finding my rainbow.

For all of you who are grieving, who have been facing loss, I pray God's comfort and peace during your journey through the grief, and that you will soon find your rainbow too.

The Struggle For Acceptance In The Face of Illness

As I look through my blogs, I can see that writer's block has befallen me for many months now. What once came so easily is now a struggle. The one medium in which I could really express myself has been just out of reach and that has grieved me. I didn't understand why, but lately some things have come to light.

I have been struggling with grieving and acceptance. This past year has been such a test, not only for me, but my family as well. We have been hit so hard in every aspect of our lives. The part I have been struggling with the most has been my own health. 

I have been volunteering in the mental health field for several years now. I have personally experienced the extremes of PTSD, and I have multiple family members who suffer with devastating mental illnesses.  These experiences have motivated me to lend a hand in whatever way I could. 

It is interesting that in the past year, not only did I encounter stigma for my involvement with this set-apart world of people who have chemicals in their brains that have gone awry, but I felt stigma and struggled with self-acceptance involving a rare, invisible set of health conditions that has turned my own life upside-down. Although my health condition is not a mental illness, it has given me a better understanding of being set apart, avoided, turned away from, and the struggles that accompany all "invisible" illnesses.

When I refer to an "invisible" illness, I am talking about illnesses that don't necessarily show on the outside, but devastate on the inside and cause a loss of function in one's life. 

It hurts when people no longer ask how you are, or avoid saying hello and ignore you. It hurts when the people who you thought cared turn out to be fair-weather friends just when you needed them the most. I could go on about the hurt I have experienced, but instead I want to look at what I can do for me and how I can move past the struggle to feel included when I feel like an outsider looking in.

The first thing I think about is the struggle for self-acceptance—how to accept who you are, and what is in your life TODAY. Today, I am not able to work or to do anything for more than maybe an hour without getting exhausted, dizzy, and out of breathe. Even though I take more medications and supplements than I care to name, and I periodically get extremely painful shots in my spine, I still deal with pain most of the day. I always have a degree of pain, but some of it has become "normal." When I say I am in pain, I am talking about the kind of pain that keeps me from being able to take walks, sit up straight, or comfortably assumed any position. I still try to make the best of each day and thankfully I have a great doctor who continues to look for more answers. 

For a person who wants to do so much, but has instead had her passion relegated to the back seat, this is devastating. The hardest part is not being able to be transparent with anyone except others who share the same illness. We seem to be a fairly isolated group of people. People with chronic illnesses lose friends, family members, and even sometimes their spouses. I pray every day that God helps me to handle my illnesses with grace. While I am grieving the loss of old dreams, I am looking for more realistic new ones. There is a false guilt and shame that comes from how others respond to my illness. I dread going to my church because most people I know no longer take the time to say hello, and that is a weird feeling. I have had friends who wrote asking me about my physical condition. When I gave a brief and honest answer I never heard back from them again. How much of their response is because of me? Could they be reacting to my inability to regularly attend church or be an active part of groups or events? I don't have an answer to that question. 

This is where self-acceptance is particularly valuable. It is not my fault that I am sick. I may not be in a wheelchair, or have a terminal illness or missing limb, but that doesn't make my situation any less challenging. I do not want to be on disability and I did not choose to live the life I am living right now. It is a horrible to feel out of control of your own body, and to not have answers on how to get better. Like many I know, I am extremely proactive in seeking answers and trying things to help me get better. It is hard to accept that I don't know how much better I will get. I sometimes feel like I am losing me. 

On the flip side, I clearly know who is in my corner and I value those people more than words can say. I have also learned to depend on God in a whole different way. It is so much easier to go to people first when we are in need emotionally. That is not what the Bible tells us to do. While going to a person can get you physical comfort, the answers you want to hear, and immediate gratification, going to God ultimately brings us the best long-term results. We grow in our faith and our relationship with Him. He uses our trials to develop us into the people He wants us to be. As I do this more, I feel a peace that engulfs me, at least until "I" jump back into the picture. I am starting to see that it isn't really about understanding but more about knowing. 

Someone once asked me how to treat someone who has a mental illness and my answer was to treat him or her just like anybody else. I now realize that also applies to “invisible illnesses” and it is something that we all understandably crave.

James 4:8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

Luke 6:31 And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor.

Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Stuck In The Middle With You

I've heard it said so many times- "Bad things come in threes” or “When it rains it pours!” Why is it that when things go wrong, they seem to keep going in that direction? Why does it seem to never be just one thing? Even when something very difficult happens, it seems there’s always something equally troubling that comes right behind it. We hear song lyrics referring to going "deep in the valley;" and I can't count how many times people have said to me that it's darkest before the dawn.

So what does this mean to a Christian who is trying to always do the right thing? Why does God let us go through so much, that at times it feels like we could fall apart? 

I don't have the answers to those questions, nor do I think I ever will. I am however learning a lot from my difficult experiences. Many refer to these times as hitting a bottom or falling down. I see it more like being stuck in the middle. The reason I see it that way is because I think the hardest part is accepting that things will not be the same yet not knowing what lies ahead. When I can't see anything looking back or looking forward, it makes me look upward from the middle that I seem to be stuck in.

So many things in my life are in question right now and there are an equally vast number of ways I can look at my situation. Honestly speaking, I think I have considered almost every perspective already. I've had my share of meltdowns, and I've had times where I haven't felt much at all. Through it all, and it is far from over, I have come to these realizations.

1- No person can understand or go through these trials with me.

2- Nothing I do will change the outcome of things that are outside of my control.

3- I realized that even though I thought I had surrendered everything to God, I never fully surrendered.

4- God is the only one who is with me and who can help me, and he always will be there.

5- No matter how things turn out, God will continue to take care of me.

6- God will use everything for the good.

7- God will use all of these things to place me where he wants me to be.

I find that when I am weak and feel helpless God finds ways of speaking to me. Over and over in so many different settings I have heard the same scripture passage,"but those that hope in the Lord , they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

So here I am in the middle of an incredible process of change that is not of my choosing and for which I do not know the outcome. This situation reminds me more than ever that everything I have and everything good is from God.  This also means that everything I have is His to give and to take away. Somehow I find peace in that knowledge. I feel connected to Him in a deeper, more intimate way than ever before. When I talk to Him, I find myself telling Him that I trust Him and I really mean it. That is huge for someone who has been betrayed in such horrendous ways in the past. I never thought I could completely trust even God, and now I do. I am experiencing "the peace that surpasses all understanding.” 

Lord, I don't know where you are taking me. I don't have any answers.  I don’t even have a clue. I do know that You have a perfect plan for me. I know that You protect me and take care of me. You show me time and time again how strong You are in my weakness. You have also shown me how you use even the most painful experiences for good. When I am stuck in middle with no one to look to but You, I grow and get stronger. I see how to live without striving; I don't have the strength to do that now. Rest in You Lord is the best kind of rest. So I go on, one day at a time, and I fully experience that day. It is very uncomfortable to feel so out of control, but through this situation my Lord, I know that you are in control, and that gives me comfort. Thank you Lord for being here with me and never leaving my side. Amen.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in  weakness." Corinthians 12:9

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,  for I am gentle and humble in heart, rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28, 29

"And we know that all good things work together for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28