Someone recently asked me how my fears no longer become rooted in me. That’s when I realized what a miracle that is. Since I started with chronic, rare illnesses a few years back, the fears have been very real. Life changed very quickly in ways I couldn’t imagine. Other people I got to know with the same illnesses lost their spouses. I started fearing losing mine. As crazy symptoms surfaced which even my doctors couldn’t explain, I feared what would happen to me.
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. ~ Psalm 56:3
As all of this happened, I fell to my knees. I turned to God in a much deeper way than I had before. I went from being so busy to being quiet and still, something I hadn’t done before. My husband was shaken up by what happened too. We started reading the Bible together almost every night and we still do. I didn’t just pray, I talked to God throughout the day. I started prayer journaling. I joined Bible studies, and if they didn’t focus enough on the right things, I quit. The days I stayed focused on God were my good days. I started learning that I was weak but He could be my strength. I started realizing that He didn’t want me to strive, but to come to Him, and let Him work in and through me. These were revelations to me
So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ. ~ Romans 10:17
I had some real trust issues from trauma in my past. I probably always will to some degree where people are concerned. God has healed my trust when it comes to Him. “He” is the key word for me. I can’t fix myself. I can’t replace my fear with faith, but He can. He does this for me every day when I ask Him to. He is healing me and fixing what He chooses to fix as I ask Him to, as long as I don’t get in the way. I did not think it was possible to stop worrying, not me. I used to be the one that would be up at night scrutinizing my day. I don’t worry anymore, not really. The reason is because I lay my burdens at Jesus’ feet every night. Yes, I do take them back, and then I go back and do it again. The Lord has been helping me to get better at this. He has helped me so much already! One day at a time, for each morning His mercies are new!
Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. ~Lamentations 3:23
I am far from perfect and I do have my bad days. There are still times I get caught up in the wrong things, namely worldly things. I repent, and I go back to doing what works best and is right. It’s the only thing that is right- because I choose Him. And I remember my new motto –Not me but He!
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~ Phillipians 4:7