Someone recently asked me how my fears no longer become
rooted in me. That’s when I realized what a miracle that is. Since I started
with chronic, rare illnesses a few years back, the fears have been very real.
Life changed very quickly in ways I couldn’t imagine. Other people I got to
know with the same illnesses lost their spouses. I started fearing losing mine.
As crazy symptoms surfaced which even my doctors couldn’t explain, I feared
what would happen to me.
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. ~ Psalm 56:3
As all of this happened, I fell to my knees. I turned to God
in a much deeper way than I had before.
I went from being so busy to being quiet and still, something I hadn’t
done before. My husband was shaken up by what happened too. We started reading
the Bible together almost every night and we still do. I didn’t just pray, I
talked to God throughout the day. I started prayer journaling. I joined Bible
studies, and if they didn’t focus enough on the right things, I quit. The days
I stayed focused on God were my good days. I started learning that I was weak
but He could be my strength. I started realizing that He didn’t want me to
strive, but to come to Him, and let Him work in and through me. These were
revelations to me
.
So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the
word of Christ. ~ Romans 10:17
I had some real trust issues from trauma in my past. I
probably always will to some degree where people are concerned. God has healed
my trust when it comes to Him. “He” is the key word for me. I can’t fix myself.
I can’t replace my fear with faith, but He can. He does this for me every day
when I ask Him to. He is healing me and fixing what He chooses to fix as I ask
Him to, as long as I don’t get in the way. I did not think it was possible to
stop worrying, not me. I used to be the one that would be up at night
scrutinizing my day. I don’t worry anymore, not really. The reason is because I
lay my burdens at Jesus’ feet every night. Yes, I do take them back, and then I
go back and do it again. The Lord has been helping me to get better at this. He
has helped me so much already! One day at a time, for each morning His mercies
are new!
Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each
morning. ~Lamentations 3:23
I am far from perfect and I do have my bad days. There are still times I get caught up in the
wrong things, namely worldly things. I repent, and I go back to doing what
works best and is right. It’s the only thing that is right- because I choose
Him. And I remember my new motto –Not me
but He!
And the peace of God, which
surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ
Jesus. ~ Phillipians 4:7
No comments:
Post a Comment