My Safe Place

As I sit here listening to the rain hit the roof as it endlessly pours down, my beautiful beagle/basset hound approaches me shaking like a leaf. He is scared of hard rain and terrified of thunderstorms. The only way he feels better is to feel me by his side. So he comes over and lays as close to me as he can get, leaning against as much of my leg as he can. Then he almost always lays his head on my foot or my leg and tries to keep me from moving. He knows how much I love him, and he knows that with me he is safe.

As a human and an adult, I still become fearful. My greatest fear--is that of the unknown. What will happen? What will I lose? How much will it hurt? These questions plague me when I don't feel safe. Can you relate?

What do you do when you get scared? My natural tendency is to go to friends and close family members and ask them to pray for me, and to talk to someone close to me. Then if I am still feeling bad, I go shopping, watch a movie or find another way to distract myself. These are ways to push the fear away for a little while, but that's all they do. What I've been learning is that only God can truly erase fear.

When I was a young woman, I had social anxiety. For anyone who doesn't know what that is, I froze up when I was around more than a couple of people. I had trouble making phone calls, and I could not get up in front of people. When I had staff meetings at work, my hands would get shaky and they would sweat so much that I would leave handprints on the table. God removed that fear in me. When I took that fear to Him, He gave me what I needed, and He still does. I have taught classes, gotten up and spoken in front of churches, I make videos, lead support groups and can handle crowds now, because I know that Jesus is right there with me. What an awesome God we serve!

God tells us 365 times in the Bible to not be afraid. Knowing that the opposite of fear is not courage but faith, sends me to the Lord in prayer and to His Word. Is it always the first place I go? No. Does it need to be the first place I go? Yes!

Out of trusting Him comes courage. It's not big and flashy. It's being able to keep going. Courage is that still small voice that says "You can get through this." It is knowing that He will catch me or cushion me if I fall, and that God is always with me. With Him I am safe. Whatever it is, with God I know, I can do it, and I can get through it.

Keep Going

There have been times in my life when I feel like I have dark clouds that follow me everywhere I go. Times when there seem to endless struggles, beginning with one, extending into another, and never seeming to end. Not only do dreams shatter and plans fall apart, but the idea of just having life go on an even keel seems like a faraway dream.

It has been that way recently. What do you do when life goes that way? I know what I do, I pray, a lot. I keep trying what I can do, and then I keep putting what is out of my control into God's hands- over and over again, since I tend to take it back.

The more I meditate on scripture, the more I realize I am far from alone in my struggles. From the likes of Moses, Joshua, Job, Daniel and so many more, God's people have waited and gone through long periods of traveling through the "valleys" of life before finding the beautiful destination that God had in store for them.

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.  ~ Romans 15:4

The story that stands out to me is the one of Joseph and his brothers that is found in the book of Genesis. Joseph was the 11th son of Jacob, and was his favorite. He was gifted with prophetic dreams. He also was a bit of a tattler. When Jacob gifted Joseph with the beautiful coat that the oldest would normally get, and Joseph started relaying his dreams to his brothers, they built a lot of resentment toward him. They betrayed him and sold him as a slave.

After years of being a slave, and being falsely imprisoned, God was with Joseph the whole time, using his gift to bring him to become one of the most powerful men in Egypt. He also used his trials to transform him. In the end, Joseph got back together with his family, was reunited with his father and forgave his brothers, bringing all of them to the palace and giving them unimaginable resources. Once more they were a family, but in the best of ways. He persevered and was brought through to a much better place than he could have possibly dreamed.

Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning   ~ Psalm 30:5

As people with chronic illness, it is hard to go through so much for so long. Sometimes it feels like we never get a break and things only get worse. As Christians on a walk, Jesus is by our side, every hour of every day. God never stops working on us and our lives, as long as we are open to receive it. Yes, His purpose for us may be for a greater good, but the reward in the end will be worth waiting for.

From the beginning of the world, no eye has seen, no ear has heard, what God has prepared for the one who waits for Him.  ~ Isaiah 64:4

Saying Goodbye

I lost a friend a couple of days ago and I lost another friend the day before that. When I say I lost my friends, I don't mean we separated, I mean they died. 

It is so hard to lose someone to death. The thought of not seeing or hearing from my friends again causes me great anguish. I still miss people who were close to me that died a long time ago-- my grandparents, my first husband, my cousin, my aunts, my friends. Each time someone dies, it is a reminder of how temporary everything and everyone here is. Yet while a future with them is gone, I embrace the memories of who they were and the relationship we had.

As a Christian, there is great comfort in knowing that each of my loved ones that is gone, has gone to Heaven, and is in a new body, with no pain and no problems. They are with Jesus! What a thought!

While I am left here, I am held tight by Jesus, and each time it hurts, he collects my tears and wraps me in his precious love. I am comforted knowing that one day I will see my loved ones again when I stand in Glory with them. What a day that will be! 

Click here to listen to a song about how God comforts us in our sorrows

Full Life Versus Fulfillment

Have you ever had numerous relationships but still felt lonely? Have you been in a crowd yet felt alone? How many times has your life been full yet felt empty? I've been learning through this walk that emptiness and loneliness aren't about how many friends you have or how many things you have going on, but more about the meaning of them. There is a difference between having a full life and having fullness.

Relationships can become obligations when they lack depth and authenticity. Fulfillment doesn't come with busyness but with fullness; it's about quality rather than quantity. No matter how many friends we have, or accomplishments we achieve, if God's hand isn't in it, they will not satisfy us. We will still crave being filled;  the holes will not be filled and we will not feel fulfilled.

I went through it, and still go through it at times. Sometimes seeking God's will becomes seeking His approval of one's own will when we're not careful. Sometimes, even the service we do for God can become wrapped in the wrong feelings and desires. It's never intentional, and can be very hard to identify. Doing that puts one on a road to burn out. And then of course saying yes to everything, doesn't mean saying yes to the right things. When we do things in and through God, we work in His strength and not our own. What a difference that makes!

Now, I always try to put things in the Lord's hands. It is amazing how things will fall into place when they are God's will. A perfect example is our mental illness ministry. I lived in a few states and was in three churches before it came to fruition. I worked so hard at it, and then when I got remarried, my husband and I worked hard at getting it in place. We met so many obstacles. It became clear that the timing wasn't right. When we moved to Georgia, the church we came to was looking to put a special needs ministry in place and the minister personally helped us get it in place. It is still going almost 6 years later.

God loves us for who we are, which is who He created us to be. One of the gifts of being filled is not having to fit in. If anyone had told me that need would go away, I would not have believed them. As one who felt like an outsider a good part of my life, I no longer feel that way. The need to fit in and feel like I belong is no longer there. When that happens, we are truly free to be ourselves, and can be comfortable in our own skins! It is when we can be authentic and real that we truly feel loved by others, because we are loved for who we really are. We are also free to set boundaries. For those who are not familiar with boundaries, it means drawing a line and sticking to it. I have learned to say a true "no" and while it doesn't bring me more friends, it does gain me more respect. God keeps showing me what isn't important. I wish my eyes and ears had been open to this much sooner!

In order to be filled by God, we have to be empty of the shallow, meaningless things that don't satisfy and pull us away from Him. Something I put in my prayers is for God to empty me out, cleanse me and fill me. I have found to be filled by Him, is to truly be filled. He is the only one who can fill the holes and make us whole. Then we come to our relationships healthier instead of needy and also attract others who are healthy. The need to be busy and fill my time so much isn't there anymore. It sure used to be. Is there anyone who had to learn to be still? I sure did. Now it comes easily.

In order to hold on to Jesus, we have to let go of the meaningless things we are holding on to. For me, it took a while to see that I was holding on to other things that were not helping me or my walk with the Lord. By true introspection and prayer, I was able to see these things and God has helped me to change them. Going through a very uncertain time in my life, holding on to Him and truly being filled by Him has been making a huge difference!

I pray for you, that God will show you the empty things that you hold on to as well; that He will empty you of those things, cleanse you and fill you with Him! I pray that you will be whole, that you will let go and hold on to Him!  I pray that you will know how loved and treasured you are for the unique individual that you were made to be, and that you will start loving that person too! Additionally, I pray that you will experience the freedom and peace that comes with truly being filled!

The Gift of Today

This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it. ~ Psalm 118:24

Today is the tomorrow we dreamed about. It becomes yesterday and a memory very quickly. Today is also all that we know we have. It would be so easy to fall into ignoring today in pursuit of better days, but we live in a fallen world, and tomorrow may not be any better. Each day is a gift from God and we have a choice to rejoice. 

When today is a hard day to live what do you do about it? Many get caught up in memories of the past or worries of the future and miss the good that may be right in front of them. Have you ever done that? Have you missed an opportunity or something special because you were caught up in something else? Or missed out on something you thought was small and it ended up being something very important to you? I have. 

There is no time like the present. Each day is a day to make the most of and a day that will never come again. There will never be another day like it. There are many things that are not in our control, but we also have choices. We can choose how we see things. We can choose whether to be miserable or joyous. We can choose to be thankful for what we have, and to not take anything for granted. We can choose to look at things in a whole different way and see what we haven't seen before.

How many times do we look up and see those who have it better and avoid looking down to see those who have it worse? How many times do you look around and see all that are in need of what we need to be saying thank you for? I had one of those days and the memory lives on inside of my children and I.

We were getting ready to move to another state, cleaning out before we packed; putting out trash and things to be picked up. A young couple was walking down the street with a little boy. They stopped when the man was looking at the old weight bench my oldest son was getting rid of. Meanwhile, the little boy was grabbing old, torn up toys out of the trash pile. Long story short, the woman had 5 kids between 18 months and 17 years old and had left her abusive husband. He was not providing for them. She was staying with her sister, had no car, no home, no money, no way to take care of her baby and 5 year old twins, so no job. She slept on an old couch next to a washer and dryer. But she was grateful to not be beat anymore and have peace. 

The boy wanted the toys from the trash because she had no way to give him any and Christmas was coming. This made my kids and I rethink everything. All they were going to hold onto, or most of it, went to this family. Clothing, collectible toys, you name it. Five van loads of things. Things- that were extra to us- and everything to them. The last trip they made back- she brought all the kids and then came to me, hugged me and just cried. I will never forget this. It moved my daughter to start volunteering in high school and me to start giving as well. It changed our whole outlook. 

Life is a gift. Our blessings great and small are a gift. Today is a gift. Treat it well, and be grateful because you never know when it may change. 

God's love and faithfulness is the greatest gift of all, one to be treasured and joyous about every day. He has a perfect plan for each one of us, and though the road is long and sometimes hard, it leads to the most beautiful of places. So when it gets hard, look inside and see the hope that lives within you, put there by a God that loves you so very much and say "thank you."