Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Wow. God really knows how to test me when
it comes to being submissive to His will. I mean
surrendering my children to Him? Really, what is
He thinking? How can I do that for more than
say an hour? If we're supposed to completely
surrender our children, no matter what the age,
then why are we programmed this way? I don't
understand God. It's hard enough for me to"be
anxious for nothing" in matters concerning me.
You can't expect me to be that way with my kids as well?
Every night my husband and I pray together before we go to bed. We start with our ill child, and then cover the other two children and the rest of our family. We ask for specific things for them, and then say things like "according to your will," but honestly, I think deep down I am really thinking "according to my will." Yes, I'm coming clean and admitting that I am not good at this surrender thing. God knows I try to do it enough. Sometimes I even succeed for a while, at least until I once more try to take the wheel from God.
In my mind I know it doesn't make any difference. He is still in control. I can even imagine Him laughing at me saying, "You silly child, how could you possibly think you have any control?" I don't think I have control, but when things feel out of control, it's almost like going on what I call "autopilot."
I know what I need to do, I know what needs to happen, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. God has His reasons for everything and He will work his plan with or without me.
Okay God, I understand why you hit me with what feels like yet another two-by-four. I can be so stubborn when it comes to my kids. But one thing I have learned is that you made my son the way you did for a reason. He has survived because of You and not me. With all that has happened there is no earthly reason he should still be here. You are faithful Lord. Help me to be faithful and trusting, You are the one with the power.
He is faithful and so much bigger than us. Has anyone else prayed a prayer like this?