Jesus Take The Wheel

Those of us who like country music and Carrie Underwood may be familiar with her song "Jesus Take The Wheel." Like many country songs, it tells a story; this one of surrender to Jesus when a young woman has lost control of her car on black ice. The song talks about how she had a hard year, a lot on her mind and was low on faith. It doesn't sound like she surrendered until she had to, does it?

Well when my pain hits like a bolt of lightening, and I can't get comfortable, surrender is the last thing on my mind too. When medication isn't stabilizing the problem at hand, letting go isn't something I really think about, what about you? And then when other issues surface on top of the symptoms of my chronic illnesses, my tendencies are to try to get control, not to surrender it.

So then, how many times do we wait to completely surrender until we're desperate? How many times do we halfheartedly surrender only to take everything back again? I know what my answers to those questions are. I'm not proud of them either. 

Why is it such a struggle to surrender one's life to God? The answer that comes to me is the fear of the unknown. What will I have to go through to get to where He is taking me? 

The crazy part is that He has never let me down, not once. He doesn't give me everything I want, but God gives me everything I need- always! He always stands on His promises. He is always with me, I am never alone. When I look back I can see He has made something beautiful out of everything that has happened in my life- and you know what? A lot has happened in my life. I guess that is good reason to trust Him completely. Trust may be hard for me, and it may be hard for you- but we're talking about God, not people. 

So maybe now it's time- to let go and let Jesus take the wheel!

He "causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Through the "things" in life, He molds and makes us into "the image of His Son" Rom. 8:28-29

Come As You Are

When I was growing up I prided myself on not crying in front of other people, this was something I was not supposed to do. I fact, my mother told me not to cry, period. She got that from her mother who was British and grew up believing that it was important to "keep a stiff upper lip." Many of us were raised being taught to hide our feelings, and many church cultures taught us that handling things with grace meant not allowing our feelings to be a part of things. While relying on our feelings can certainly guide us the wrong direction, that doesn't mean that God doesn't want us to acknowledge what we feel and let ourselves feel our emotions.

Why else would we be created as emotional beings? We were created in the image of God. Jesus wept (John 11:35.) Jesus got angry and turned tables over in the temple (Matthew 21:12-13.) We also see several examples of God expressing a lot of emotion toward us from Heaven throughout the Bible. The truth is if we don't allow our feelings, they don't go away-- they sink deeper inside of us and gain more control of us and our lives.

Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief. ~ Proverbs 14:13

The worst things happen when emotions build up inside and then explode, like a cork popping out of a bottle. God wants us to express our feelings; he wants us to be real. More accurately, He wants us to bring them to Him.

For years I wore a mask, hiding what I was really feeling. I had people convinced I could handle anything. Inside, I was suffering. I kept my feelings at a distance and was not touch in touch with them. In fact the first time I sat down and actually talked about my feelings, I had trouble identifying them. It wasn't anyone's fault. There are so many people who believe that it is right to keep our feelings to ourselves.

For me those days are now gone. I believe God wants me to be real. I struggle to do that with grace, and I pray about it regularly. But when people see my Christianity, they see the real thing; that it is okay to not be perfect and that He loves us anyway. He wants us to come Him as we are; He is the potter and we are the clay. I am a work in progress and always will be on this side of heaven, we all are. He sees me as I will be when He is done with me, and it still amazes me that my God cherishes and treasures me.

It helps me so much to know that I don't have to hide my emotions anymore. Even when I get angry, I have learned that it is not something to be ashamed of, but something to be dealt with right away so the enemy doesn't have a way in.

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. ~Ephesians 4:26-27

God is so good, sometimes I think people don't realize how good. Thank you Lord that you made us with emotions and You help us with them. Thank you that joy does come in the morning!

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. ~Psalm 30:5

I Will Rest In You

Sometimes I am so tired, and sometimes I am soul tired; weary of life and all that it entails. It feels like day rolls into night-- light fades into darkness with still so much unresolved and not yet done. The load grows heavier and anxiety deepens, the air grows heavy. After a while I realize yet again that I tried to do it on my own and wore myself down. You see Lord, I know I can't do life without you, and yet somehow, I find that I have taken the load back again. Unintentionally, subconsciously, I take back what I had laid at your feet. I need to lay it down once more. I need to have my soul replenished and my burdens lifted. I know there is only one place to find true rest and that is in you sweet Jesus.

When things pile up Lord, it can be overwhelming, especially when illness is active too. In the thick of it all, sometimes I just need to stop, breathe and be. I know that when it is all too much Lord, your peace will overcome. 
I may not be able to see more than what is right in front of me, but no matter where I am, you are with me, and that is all I need. Thank you Jesus that you never change yet you change everything! In you I find the kind of rest I have never had before

And so I will trust in you and I will rest in you. 

My Safe Place

As I sit here listening to the rain hit the roof as it endlessly pours down, my beautiful beagle/basset hound approaches me shaking like a leaf. He is scared of hard rain and terrified of thunderstorms. The only way he feels better is to feel me by his side. So he comes over and lays as close to me as he can get, leaning against as much of my leg as he can. Then he almost always lays his head on my foot or my leg and tries to keep me from moving. He knows how much I love him, and he knows that with me he is safe.

As a human and an adult, I still become fearful. My greatest fear--is that of the unknown. What will happen? What will I lose? How much will it hurt? These questions plague me when I don't feel safe. Can you relate?

What do you do when you get scared? My natural tendency is to go to friends and close family members and ask them to pray for me, and to talk to someone close to me. Then if I am still feeling bad, I go shopping, watch a movie or find another way to distract myself. These are ways to push the fear away for a little while, but that's all they do. What I've been learning is that only God can truly erase fear.

When I was a young woman, I had social anxiety. For anyone who doesn't know what that is, I froze up when I was around more than a couple of people. I had trouble making phone calls, and I could not get up in front of people. When I had staff meetings at work, my hands would get shaky and they would sweat so much that I would leave handprints on the table. God removed that fear in me. When I took that fear to Him, He gave me what I needed, and He still does. I have taught classes, gotten up and spoken in front of churches, I make videos, lead support groups and can handle crowds now, because I know that Jesus is right there with me. What an awesome God we serve!

God tells us 365 times in the Bible to not be afraid. Knowing that the opposite of fear is not courage but faith, sends me to the Lord in prayer and to His Word. Is it always the first place I go? No. Does it need to be the first place I go? Yes!

Out of trusting Him comes courage. It's not big and flashy. It's being able to keep going. Courage is that still small voice that says "You can get through this." It is knowing that He will catch me or cushion me if I fall, and that God is always with me. With Him I am safe. Whatever it is, with God I know, I can do it, and I can get through it.

Keep Going

There have been times in my life when I feel like I have dark clouds that follow me everywhere I go. Times when there seem to endless struggles, beginning with one, extending into another, and never seeming to end. Not only do dreams shatter and plans fall apart, but the idea of just having life go on an even keel seems like a faraway dream.

It has been that way recently. What do you do when life goes that way? I know what I do, I pray, a lot. I keep trying what I can do, and then I keep putting what is out of my control into God's hands- over and over again, since I tend to take it back.

The more I meditate on scripture, the more I realize I am far from alone in my struggles. From the likes of Moses, Joshua, Job, Daniel and so many more, God's people have waited and gone through long periods of traveling through the "valleys" of life before finding the beautiful destination that God had in store for them.

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.  ~ Romans 15:4

The story that stands out to me is the one of Joseph and his brothers that is found in the book of Genesis. Joseph was the 11th son of Jacob, and was his favorite. He was gifted with prophetic dreams. He also was a bit of a tattler. When Jacob gifted Joseph with the beautiful coat that the oldest would normally get, and Joseph started relaying his dreams to his brothers, they built a lot of resentment toward him. They betrayed him and sold him as a slave.

After years of being a slave, and being falsely imprisoned, God was with Joseph the whole time, using his gift to bring him to become one of the most powerful men in Egypt. He also used his trials to transform him. In the end, Joseph got back together with his family, was reunited with his father and forgave his brothers, bringing all of them to the palace and giving them unimaginable resources. Once more they were a family, but in the best of ways. He persevered and was brought through to a much better place than he could have possibly dreamed.

Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning   ~ Psalm 30:5

As people with chronic illness, it is hard to go through so much for so long. Sometimes it feels like we never get a break and things only get worse. As Christians on a walk, Jesus is by our side, every hour of every day. God never stops working on us and our lives, as long as we are open to receive it. Yes, His purpose for us may be for a greater good, but the reward in the end will be worth waiting for.

From the beginning of the world, no eye has seen, no ear has heard, what God has prepared for the one who waits for Him.  ~ Isaiah 64:4