The Freedom of Forgiveness

And when you stand to pray, if you hold anything against another, forgive it, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your trespasses as well."  ~Mark 11:25

Forgiving can be such a hard thing to do. When someone has betrayed you, hurt you to your core, how do you just forgive them? Isn't that letting them off easy? How could they deserve your forgiveness? What if they aren't sorry, or don't even see what they did wrong? How on earth can you forgive someone like that?

There was a time when I had those thoughts. I had been betrayed by someone very close to me, in ways that were unimaginable. I didn't understand how I could forgive something that had such a profound impact on my life. But I had the wrong ideas about forgiveness....

Forgiveness is not the same thing as pardon. You are not excusing the other person for what they did. What you are doing, is letting go of the anger and bitterness, and cutting the chains to the past. You are freeing yourself of the effects of what happened and giving yourself a chance to heal and move on. 

It's so easy to think that there are things we shouldn't forgive. When I read the Bible and realize the way my God forgives you and me and all of us every day for our sins, it makes me think twice. 

When I hear stories, like Corrie Ten Boom's story from World War II, where she and her sister were put into a concentration camp because they were caught hiding Jews, it really makes me think.  She watched as they killed her sister. Corrie miraculously escaped only days later and ran into a soldier who was directly part of the atrocities there. She forgave him. That is hard to imagine. You can read more about her story of forgiveness here.

Forgiveness is always possible, maybe not in our flesh, but with God, as He can forgive through us and in us. I experienced this and it is freeing in a way that is beyond description. It also removes a wall that we create between us and God. We are being disobedient when we don't forgive. When we continue to be disobedient our hearts harden.

If you harbor a grudge, if you have bitterness in your heart, don't you think it's time to let it go? It will eat you from the inside out if you don't. God will help you to do it if you just ask. Forgiveness, contrary to what many believe, is not done for the other person but for yourself. It is the best gift you can give yourself. For me, it was like a huge weight was lifted off me, one that had been there for a long time. 

I pray for each one of you who is dealing with this issue, that you will seek to forgive with God's assistance, and experience the freedom and joy that it brings. I pray that you can fill the room it leaves with good things, that will restore peace and bring joy. 

You Are So Beautiful To Me

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

~Psalm 139:14

Do you ever look at someone and think about how beautiful they are? I have. I have admired the waistline or the legs that someone has or the beautiful green eyes that another person has. The thing I find interesting is the more I get to know a person, the more or less beautiful they become to me. That is because what is inside is shining through, and it affects how they look to me.

We worry so much about how we look on the outside, going to so much trouble to keep our bodies in great shape and preserve our youth. The truth is outward beauty makes a great first impression and attracts people. It is not what people value. True beauty does not come from the shape of one's body, or one's complexion. It doesn't come from mesmerizing eyes,luscious lips or gorgeous hair. 

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.  ~Proverbs 31:25,30

True beauty comes from a beautiful heart; it radiates from the inside. It comes from someone who is unselfish, loving, content, and spiritual. Some of the most beautiful women and men I know aren't confined by their age. They didn't have any work done, and don't do crossfit. They love life and people but most of all, they love the Lord. It shows! There is a sparkle in their eyes and a genuine smile that lights up their faces. People are drawn to the light within them.

I have friends that are truly beautiful but they cannot see it. They are so worried about extra weight or how different they look now as opposed to when they were younger. I understand, it is easy to feel that way. Their beauty is timeless. It doesn't age, it grows as they grow and mature in the Lord. It is a lovely thing to see. We cannot stop the aging process, but we can renew ourselves inwardly with God's word. 

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  ~2 Corinthians 4:16

So I pray for every reader, that you find the beauty of God's word and are transformed inwardly by keeping Him in your heart. May His light shine through for all to see.

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  ~Colossians 3:12

From Striving To Surrender

Turn your burdens over to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will never let the righteous person stumble. ~Psalm 55;22

Life in the world today is challenging. God told us in His word that it wouldn't be easy for those of us who are on a Christian walk, although it would be worth it. It took me a long time to truly understand what that  meant.

One thing I have learned is that God allows us to suffer. I struggled with this for a long time. How could a loving God allow this? I now understand that He uses this to conform us to His image and to teach us how to live. When I look back, most recently over my multiple chronic illnesses, I see changes that could have only come about through hard times and a Loving God who is teaching me me how to do better.

I have been dealing with daily pain and frightening symptoms from rare diseases for years now. The desperation that I started out with accomplished several things:

• I sought God more through prayer
• I dug deeper into His word
• I opened my heart and my mind
• I actively sought ways to help myself physically and emotionally
• Most of all, I started surrendering myself to God.

For someone who has had to feel in control in the past, giving Him my burdens is huge. It is the most freeing and peace giving thing I have ever done. It is the way to enter His rest. I realized although I thought I had done this before, I had never truly surrendered all.

Striving is the more comfortable way to live, but is also stressful, tiring, and hurtful to one's soul and spirit. When we strive, we are not truly trusting God.

That doesn't mean we stop doing our part, but it does mean that we let it go once we've done our part. I believe this is part of being obedient to God.

Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light. ~Matthew 11:29=30

For me, laying my burdens at His feet is something I do repeatedly, but with my whole heart. One of the wonderful things about doing this is that it empties me of it and leaves room to be filled with all the good things God has for me. I am able to focus on my blessings and positive things, and don't have worries constantly distracting me. Having a much lower stress level contributes to my overall well being.

Of course It's not perfect, but it is oh so much better! The times I have trouble laying my burdens down, I pray and ask God to help do it, and He does. I can honestly say that I am no longer a Control freak!

“I removed the burden from their shoulders; their hands were set free from the basket.In your distress you called and I rescued you, I answered you out of a thundercloud; ~Psalm 81:6-7

Judged

 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. ~Matthew 7:1-5

Social media is a wonderful tool to keep you in the know of where you stand with people. You can see how many people have seen what you have posted, how many have ignored it, how many "likes" you get, and more recently, now many "reactions" you get.

What a wonderful gage for being ignored! I see it time and time again. Someone made a snafu, in someone's book anyway; and the secret gossip spreads throughout chats, custom posts and personal messages.. Next thing you know this person has heartfelt posts that are either not responded to, or at least not responded to by a certain group of people. This is a great example of how things go in real life.

"You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not stand up against the life of your neighbor: I am the LORD."  ~Leviticus 19:16

Even if what is said comes from what we deem as a trustworthy source, there are two sides to every story. All versions of a story, even those that come from us are colored with our own perceptions and lenses that comes from a lifetime of experience, baggage and yes, most likely issues we still have to work on.

Regardless of that, we have no right to judge others, only God does. It amazes me to see others walk away from someone because of what they think they have done, because they have an illness they don't understand, or simply because they think something. What is even more perplexing to me, is when they have discussed it with everyone but that person!

If there was one thing my parents did teach me correctly, it was to treat people the way I would want to be treated. I hope you have never experienced this. If you have, or are being treated this way, I would like to say a few things. The only approval we need is from God. He loves us and is not going anywhere. Do not respond to what is happening. Be the bigger person and behave as Jesus would. Trials such as these give the opportunity to show who Christ is. Think of things that are pure, noble, beautiful and true. Stay in prayer and let the Lord transform your mind. Pray for those who seek to hurt you and you will be blessed.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. ~Phillipians 4:8

Do not Conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. ~Romans 12:2

Remember, this is our temporary home. We are on our way to a much more beautiful place, where we will no longer have to bear these trials.

We are all flawed, every one of us. Every one on a journey with Christ is in the process of being molded and shaped into who He wants us to be. Meanwhile, we have our weaknesses and character defects God is working on in us. He sees us as the people we are going to be, through the eyes of love. Maybe we need to soften our views of each other and instead of gossiping and judging, keep being a friend of your fellow sinner; for we are all sinners and have much work to still be done on ourselves.

Recovery and the Three Legged Stool

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  ~2 Corinthians 12:8-9

We all have experienced the need for recovery. For some of us, it is a once broken heart. For others, a hard childhood or traumatic event that caused some damage and left unhealed wounds or painful scars. For many, healing from a chronic illness or injury is what is needed. As human beings, we all have something that still requires recovery.

I will never forget the sermon I heard, where the pastor told the congregation that complete healing would not take place until we were fully in God’s presence. Of course that means when we are with Him in eternity. At the time I didn’t agree with or totally understand what he meant. Over the years, through gaining a deeper, more insightful walk with The Lord, I have changed my mind. If we grew, healed and matured at that rate, wouldn’t we be perfect? God is certainly perfecting us, by molding and shaping us through our experiences here on earth, but we will not be perfect while we are still here.

“Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is”.  ~1 John 3:2

So our quest for healing to our best potential which we call “Recovery” is ongoing throughout one’s lifetime. It is part of our walk with the Lord. The model of recovery is much like a three legged stool which looks like this:  

                                              

When we are trying to recover, meeting our maximum potential and maintaining recovery requires three necessary components: faith, social support and medical intervention. What degree of each that is needed is different for each person and his or her situation. Many Christians would argue that we need God alone to recover: “By His stripes we are healed.” ~Isaiah 53:5. That is true, but God works directly and indirectly. Sometimes he works through people and medications.

If you broke your arm and had a complex fracture that required surgery but instead had your arm set in a simple cast, your bones would not heal properly. They wouldn’t be right until they were fixed correctly. How many things inside of us have not healed properly? How many things from the past affect our view of life, relationships, people and ourselves?

Your stool may be unbalanced. Is it possible that you were or are missing what you need to move forward and heal to your fullest potential? I know I don’t want to go through life wobbling, waiting to tip over and fall down. Many still do this over and over again. It doesn’t have to be this way. If we are willing to take the steps we need for the fullest, life filling recovery possible, each one of us can have it. Let’s take a closer look, shall we?

                                          Each Leg of the Stool

Medical Intervention           Social Interaction               Faith

Diagnosis                           Outpatient hospital             Personal relationship Treatment                                                                     with God                        

Medication                          Counseling                         Church                                  

Therapies                           Group Therapy                   Bible Studies                      

Follow Ups                          Support Groups                 Faith Groups                        

Tests                                    Friends and  family            Prayer                                                                            and more     

For someone who is experiencing a chronic illness, it is vital to fully have all three legs of the stool firmly planted in order to have a solid recovery and a fulfilling life. Medical intervention is essential not only to diagnose and treat what is wrong, but also to maintain the physical aspects of recovery. If one is trying to recover from an emotional injury or a trauma, it may not necessarily require medical intervention. Deep or chronic stress can deplete chemicals in the brain to the point that medication may be needed, even temporarily to restore balance and get the chemicals regulated. If this has happened and it remains untreated, symptoms of anxiety or depression will not go away regardless of what else is done. In order to be able to have a successful recovery, this must be managed.

Many times, people don’t realize the need for social interaction. Healthy interaction is a vital part of the recovery process. In some cases, especially when mental symptoms manifest, counseling and/or group therapy may be needed for a while. It is a way to help one sort through their thoughts when they can’t do it by themselves. Having an outside party (counseling) or parties (group therapy) in a confidential setting where one can talk candidly can be so helpful when trying to establish a path to recovery. It is not a matter of someone else giving a person answers as having someone help that person find their own answers. Support groups are a great way to have the confidential interaction with outside parties in a casual way. Many find friends in these support groups and usually can find groups that pertain to the specific issue they are facing.

Friends and family are of course the foundation of social interaction. Sometimes, when facing recovery, close friends or family members may not be on board. This is found to be especially true when facing invisible or misunderstood illnesses (illnesses that don’t necessarily show on the outside such as many auto-immune diseases, some rare diseases,fibromyalgia and mental illness.) When people don’t understand, they don’t know what to do, and many times feel lost for an answer. This so often comes out the wrong way to the person who is trying to recover.

For us, it is important to surround ourselves with people who will reinforce the positive. What about those who are toxic to our recovery? When it’s a family member, it may be better to see that person less, or if that’s not possible, to get help in establishing healthy boundaries. Two excellent books on this subject are “Boundaries” and “Christian Boundaries,” both by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. For friendships in which the dynamics change it may be good to reassess the relationship. I found that I lost friends when I got sick. I was very upset at first, but eventually realized our friendships were conditional and not a big loss in this part of my life. That season was over. I made friends who accepted the whole package including my illnesses, which are just a part of my life and not who I am.

The third leg of the stool, which I personally believe is the most important is faith. When I think of my own journey through chronic, progressive illness, I cannot imagine making it without my faith. In my darkest moments, it wasn’t my friends or a counselor, and it wasn’t my medications or treatments that lifted me out of a black hole. It was the hope and the faith that I have in my God that kept me going.  It was the knowing that He is the one who is in control that gave me hope. It is so hard to be told you are not going to get better, or having to process a trauma. Whatever the case may be, we can’t go back. We can only go forward. Having faith allows me to do that. The only way I can let go is by having something to hold onto. That something for me and for so many others, is the One who never goes anywhere and will always help us through. He never promised we wouldn’t have hard things, but He did promise we would never face hardships alone. 

The Three Legged Stool approach to recovery results in the most fulfilling recovery possible. When we cannot heal fully, we have to process loss. Grieving takes time and is hard. When there is no closure, we will continually revisit those cycles of grief. Having a balanced approach to recovery gives us what we need to get back up and move forward. For me, it has meant new dreams and goals, new friends and visions, new perspective, and a new beginning every morning.