Saying Goodbye

I lost a friend a couple of days ago and I lost another friend the day before that. When I say I lost my friends, I don't mean we separated, I mean they died. 

It is so hard to lose someone to death. The thought of not seeing or hearing from my friends again causes me great anguish. I still miss people who were close to me that died a long time ago-- my grandparents, my first husband, my cousin, my aunts, my friends. Each time someone dies, it is a reminder of how temporary everything and everyone here is. Yet while a future with them is gone, I embrace the memories of who they were and the relationship we had.

As a Christian, there is great comfort in knowing that each of my loved ones that is gone, has gone to Heaven, and is in a new body, with no pain and no problems. They are with Jesus! What a thought!

While I am left here, I am held tight by Jesus, and each time it hurts, he collects my tears and wraps me in his precious love. I am comforted knowing that one day I will see my loved ones again when I stand in Glory with them. What a day that will be! 

Click here to listen to a song about how God comforts us in our sorrows

Full Life Versus Fulfillment

Have you ever had numerous relationships but still felt lonely? Have you been in a crowd yet felt alone? How many times has your life been full yet felt empty? I've been learning through this walk that emptiness and loneliness aren't about how many friends you have or how many things you have going on, but more about the meaning of them. There is a difference between having a full life and having fullness.

Relationships can become obligations when they lack depth and authenticity. Fulfillment doesn't come with busyness but with fullness; it's about quality rather than quantity. No matter how many friends we have, or accomplishments we achieve, if God's hand isn't in it, they will not satisfy us. We will still crave being filled;  the holes will not be filled and we will not feel fulfilled.

I went through it, and still go through it at times. Sometimes seeking God's will becomes seeking His approval of one's own will when we're not careful. Sometimes, even the service we do for God can become wrapped in the wrong feelings and desires. It's never intentional, and can be very hard to identify. Doing that puts one on a road to burn out. And then of course saying yes to everything, doesn't mean saying yes to the right things. When we do things in and through God, we work in His strength and not our own. What a difference that makes!

Now, I always try to put things in the Lord's hands. It is amazing how things will fall into place when they are God's will. A perfect example is our mental illness ministry. I lived in a few states and was in three churches before it came to fruition. I worked so hard at it, and then when I got remarried, my husband and I worked hard at getting it in place. We met so many obstacles. It became clear that the timing wasn't right. When we moved to Georgia, the church we came to was looking to put a special needs ministry in place and the minister personally helped us get it in place. It is still going almost 6 years later.

God loves us for who we are, which is who He created us to be. One of the gifts of being filled is not having to fit in. If anyone had told me that need would go away, I would not have believed them. As one who felt like an outsider a good part of my life, I no longer feel that way. The need to fit in and feel like I belong is no longer there. When that happens, we are truly free to be ourselves, and can be comfortable in our own skins! It is when we can be authentic and real that we truly feel loved by others, because we are loved for who we really are. We are also free to set boundaries. For those who are not familiar with boundaries, it means drawing a line and sticking to it. I have learned to say a true "no" and while it doesn't bring me more friends, it does gain me more respect. God keeps showing me what isn't important. I wish my eyes and ears had been open to this much sooner!

In order to be filled by God, we have to be empty of the shallow, meaningless things that don't satisfy and pull us away from Him. Something I put in my prayers is for God to empty me out, cleanse me and fill me. I have found to be filled by Him, is to truly be filled. He is the only one who can fill the holes and make us whole. Then we come to our relationships healthier instead of needy and also attract others who are healthy. The need to be busy and fill my time so much isn't there anymore. It sure used to be. Is there anyone who had to learn to be still? I sure did. Now it comes easily.

In order to hold on to Jesus, we have to let go of the meaningless things we are holding on to. For me, it took a while to see that I was holding on to other things that were not helping me or my walk with the Lord. By true introspection and prayer, I was able to see these things and God has helped me to change them. Going through a very uncertain time in my life, holding on to Him and truly being filled by Him has been making a huge difference!

I pray for you, that God will show you the empty things that you hold on to as well; that He will empty you of those things, cleanse you and fill you with Him! I pray that you will be whole, that you will let go and hold on to Him!  I pray that you will know how loved and treasured you are for the unique individual that you were made to be, and that you will start loving that person too! Additionally, I pray that you will experience the freedom and peace that comes with truly being filled!

The Gift of Today

This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it. ~ Psalm 118:24

Today is the tomorrow we dreamed about. It becomes yesterday and a memory very quickly. Today is also all that we know we have. It would be so easy to fall into ignoring today in pursuit of better days, but we live in a fallen world, and tomorrow may not be any better. Each day is a gift from God and we have a choice to rejoice. 

When today is a hard day to live what do you do about it? Many get caught up in memories of the past or worries of the future and miss the good that may be right in front of them. Have you ever done that? Have you missed an opportunity or something special because you were caught up in something else? Or missed out on something you thought was small and it ended up being something very important to you? I have. 

There is no time like the present. Each day is a day to make the most of and a day that will never come again. There will never be another day like it. There are many things that are not in our control, but we also have choices. We can choose how we see things. We can choose whether to be miserable or joyous. We can choose to be thankful for what we have, and to not take anything for granted. We can choose to look at things in a whole different way and see what we haven't seen before.

How many times do we look up and see those who have it better and avoid looking down to see those who have it worse? How many times do you look around and see all that are in need of what we need to be saying thank you for? I had one of those days and the memory lives on inside of my children and I.

We were getting ready to move to another state, cleaning out before we packed; putting out trash and things to be picked up. A young couple was walking down the street with a little boy. They stopped when the man was looking at the old weight bench my oldest son was getting rid of. Meanwhile, the little boy was grabbing old, torn up toys out of the trash pile. Long story short, the woman had 5 kids between 18 months and 17 years old and had left her abusive husband. He was not providing for them. She was staying with her sister, had no car, no home, no money, no way to take care of her baby and 5 year old twins, so no job. She slept on an old couch next to a washer and dryer. But she was grateful to not be beat anymore and have peace. 

The boy wanted the toys from the trash because she had no way to give him any and Christmas was coming. This made my kids and I rethink everything. All they were going to hold onto, or most of it, went to this family. Clothing, collectible toys, you name it. Five van loads of things. Things- that were extra to us- and everything to them. The last trip they made back- she brought all the kids and then came to me, hugged me and just cried. I will never forget this. It moved my daughter to start volunteering in high school and me to start giving as well. It changed our whole outlook. 

Life is a gift. Our blessings great and small are a gift. Today is a gift. Treat it well, and be grateful because you never know when it may change. 

God's love and faithfulness is the greatest gift of all, one to be treasured and joyous about every day. He has a perfect plan for each one of us, and though the road is long and sometimes hard, it leads to the most beautiful of places. So when it gets hard, look inside and see the hope that lives within you, put there by a God that loves you so very much and say "thank you."

He Knows

"If only they knew"-- how many times have we asked ourselves this question? If only people could see what we go through, what goes on inside of us, who we really are.

Yes, a profound statement; but how many times do we all feel misunderstood, especially when we live with something that may set us apart from others? When we go to church, or to work people know us by what we let them see and by what they perceive. How difficult that can sometimes be.

If they did know, what would happen? Anyone who has been hurt becomes protective of themselves each time they go through another hurt. I know I can become self condemning enough- I don't need any help. So there are only a few that get to see past the surface. And although I am pretty "what you see is what you get," there aren't very many that get to see the daily struggles that I go through and the pain that I deal with.

There is One who is always safe. We don't have to worry about how He will perceive us. Amazingly He already knows what we are going through, who we are, all the down to the core. He knows every joy, every sorrow-- every doubt, every single feeling and thought that each of us has, He knows. Even though He created everything around us, and has so many to care for, He gives each one of us this much attention, this much love! We are His sacred and treasured creations, his very own children, and He loves us as our perfect Father and our most cherished friend!

The most beautiful part is that we are loved deeply for who we are, exactly as we are, right now!

As one who grew up believing that I wasn't good enough, when I finally realized that Jesus took care of that and that I am loved fully and unconditionally, it changed my life. He knows-- and it's okay! I don't have to be perfect or even close, I am loved anyway. I am accepted, and I will never be condemned. For me, that is a game changer. It's okay that there are people who don't understand and don't get me, because He does and that means everything!

To Be A Friend

Friendship can be such a wonderful and yet such a challenging relationship. We can share such deep, intimate things and yet have such fun! Some of my best memories through the years have been with girlfriends.

Some of the hardest things through the years have also been with girlfriends. Have you ever been unfriended? Have you ever had someone walk away that you thought was a good friend? Sometimes it can be because of a bad argument or sometimes two people just grow apart. There are so many reasons this can happen, but regardless of why, it hurts, deeply.

I am in the beginning of a Bible study on friendship and it has caused me to reflect on friendships-- relationships of the past and present and my role in them. I am already learning a lot about friendship from a Biblical perspective and it has made me realize that I have a big part in deepening my present and future relationships. It begins with me!

Just like we drag past relationship baggage into our marriages, we also tend to do that with our friendships. Sure, our older than dirt relationships may be in great shape, the ones we have known forever have withstood the test of time and proven themselves. Think about it though, should others have to prove themselves for things that belong to other people? The answer is no. Trust issues are common because so many of us have been hurt. 

We live in a fallen world. The big mistake I have made is putting too much into people and not enough into my savior. We are all human, and we can't fill the holes in someone else nor can someone else fill our gaping holes. So maybe the answer is to go to our very best friend-our savior first, to get filled and then go to our friends. 

Becoming more, becoming whole though Jesus gives us so much more to give a relationship, and will make for a healthier one. When looking for answers about friendship in the Bible, one is hard pressed to find much about taking. What I have found is scripture about choosing well, being a team and giving.

In the book "Unfriended" by Lisa Jo Baker, Chapter One talks about friendship "PTSD." It was a revelation to me that so many others went through a lot with friendship like I did. I thought my problems were due to moving a lot and being different- like being a Northerner in the deep South or having chronic illness,  but apparently just being a woman qualifies! 

In Chapter Two, Lisa Jo talks about what it means to lay our lives down for our friends; being in it for the long haul. When one experiences a loss, a grieving that goes on for a long time, who is there to walk through it with you? I learned about this first hand a few times in my life, and while there were many there in the beginning, there were very few that stuck by me as time went on. That is the kind of friend we are called to be. Isn't that the kind of friend we want?

So the challenge is what kind of friend am I and are you going to be? It calls for us to be brave and to overcome the fear of being hurt and go the extra mile anyway-- like Jesus did. 

Jesus is the best friend we could ever ask for. He is always there, always reliable, always kind, gentle and comforting. He is a perfect example of the kind of friend I want to be.